Are you winning in the romance department? Is your relationship with your partner mediocre? How about your sexual relationship? Would you say ‘it’s just okay’, or is it sizzling? Single, married, in a long-term relationship- this is for all of us. Romance is an attitude. Master the art and enjoy the process.
As we know, men and women have many differences. The difference I’m here to discuss is:
Men want sex-Women want romance.
Men are not complex when it comes to sex. The wind blows the right way and they are ready to go at a moments notice. The hormone responsible for sexual arousal is testosterone. We know that men have plenty of testosterone but did you know it’s 20 times more than women?
I’ll agree that there are a few good men out there that understand what women want. Unfortunately, they are a MINORITY! We know what busy is, we know what tired is. Careers, jobs, home, kids, other commitments, and we are taking care of it all. Libido? Where did that go? Unless there is a medical condition, I just might have a solution. WIN BACK ROMANCE!
For women, the desire for romance begins in early childhood fantasies, Cinderella dazzles her prince, Snow White has her prince and Sleeping Beauty is awakened by a sweet kiss from the man of her dreams. How can you compete with that? Begin by setting the stage for romance. Start with small acts of kindness and reminders that you are thinking of them. Those men with all their testosterone, they love the attention when you throw a little romance their way. In many cases the woman needs to be the first to begin acts of romance and her man will follow suit. He may need a few lessons and a nudge in the right direction. I always tell the ladies at my parties, “I’m here to educate you, it’s up to you to educate your partner.”
When life gets in the way and we’re busy with careers, the children, the bills and other commitments, we tend to disconnect from the passion that was felt in the beginning of the relationship. Time goes by and the honeymoon phase is over. We maintain our homes, our careers, jobs, our cars, and the needs of our children. We should also be mindful to maintain our intimate relationships.
The relationship with your partner should be a priority. The best relationships are when both partners work at it. Love is a verb and to romance someone you must take action. Men and women go into a relationship with different expectations.
Romance is about connecting on many levels, spiritually, emotionally, physically. Communication is an art to be learned and the key in any relationship. I’m referring to taking time to focus on the other person. Be present in the moment and listen to what is being said, pay attention to the body language, make eye contact. Just as life changes, relationships change as well.
Gary Chapman wrote a wonderful book, ‘The 5 Love Languages’. Knowing each other’s love language is an important factor in communicating in ways your partner understands. If you’re not inclined to read the book, at least complete the questionnaire and find your own love language. Offer the questionnaire to your partner. (You can find this online) Compare each other’s preferences; Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch. It may just surprise the both of you and open up a whole new world of communicating. I know it made a difference in my marriage.
Flowers and candy are nice but a compliment goes a long way. Find the RIGHT time to listen to each other, talk about any issues or stress in your relationship. Show that you are making your relationship a priority, make a commitment. Done well it can be a romantic moment to follow with a better understanding of each other. Receiving those obligatory gifts on Valentine’s Day or birthdays isn’t romantic. Daily affirmations of your love are more significant. Reassure your partner that they are desired. Women need
emotional fulfillment as much as a man needs his sexual fulfillment. Reaffirm his manhood and he is a happy camper.
Romance is a turn on. The brain releases dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, wonderfully euphoric, addictive, and compared to cocaine. Romance begets romance, which in turn can lead to sex begets sex. We all want those little gestures that say, “You are significant”.
When a woman says she wants more romance, she is quietly saying she wants more sex, their partner just has to work for it. She’s looking for a date night out, flowers, just because you were thinking of her, a surprise card, a warm
touch, a longer hug, help with the kids or household chores.
With technology today you can send a sweet text message or declaration of your love on their Facebook page. Don’t forget a little flirting will go a long way when it comes to anticipation. I’m a firm believer that foreplay begins the moment you wake up. I call it romance. We can make every day Valentine’s Day. You can start the process and the men eat will it up.
The best of relationships are not 50/50 they are 100/100! Both parties must give all of themselves. Most divorces are due to one of three things, lack of communication, money, or sexual incapability, (which you may work out with better communication). There are thousands of ways to romance someone. Your job is to have fun with it. Find what works for the two of you. I challenge you to 30 days of romance! I understand you might miss a day or two but imagine the reward you will have at the end of the 30 days. The two of you will become closer, develop more emotional intimacy, and have given each other the ultimate in romance…time.
BE MINDFUL WITH ROMANCE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WINS
Guest Writer-Sheila Tempchin
Shelia is a Sexual Health Educator with Pure Romance since January 2009, a Romance Coach for over 22 years, and Certified Sexual Health Educator. She received Gold Standard Award from Pure Romance and is a Pure Romance Team Leader/Trainer
and Speaker for women’s groups, empowering women to live a healthy and romantically enriched life and mentoring women for personal empowerment and living life to the fullest.
Mission to Educate Passion for Romance www.pureromance.com/sheilatempchin